Should i still be friends with my best friend
So while your parents, siblings, or significant other may be high on that list too, your BFF is at the top with them. Bonior noted that your best friend is someone you share all your news with, whereas other friends may only be there for you in specific times.
I think there has to be some overlap there. How is it different than you were expecting it to be? What does our friendship need to look like now?
Up the positivity and up the sharing. Anything you can do to help make that subject not taboo and be proud of it in their lives. The same applies if your friend has a different focus in her life, for example, work or dating. Both Bonior and Nelson mentioned that life transitions can threaten a friendship. But a best friendship can last through these changes when you put effort into maintaining and growing it.
If both of you are willing to put forth the effort, I think the friendship can grow. Nelson went back to her three main criteria for a good friendship when it comes to making an effort. We still had to learn those things. Sure, you may have joked about marrying your best friend, but Nelson compared best friendship to marriage because you have to work on it. A healthier marriage means they handle conflict well and they go through it—and that should be similar for our friendships.
A good indicator of how healthy the friendship is is how it makes you feel. Over time, surrounding yourself with toxic people not only erodes your self-esteem and sense of self; it creates maladaptive patterns and cycles.
Your body might know that your friendship is toxic before your mind does. If you suddenly feel sick when you have upcoming plans with them, it may be your body trying to tell you to avoid all that emotional stress. Or if your stomach is tied in knots the day after you hang out, you might be physically processing the stress of coping with so much toxicity. That awkward moment when your supposed best friend finds out about your work promotion on Instagram might make them mad.
That type of holding back might make you question if your friendship is still worth it. They also hurt your relationship with yourself. This momentum can make you doubt yourself and lower your standards, Hershenson explains. We engage in denial and go on because it's easier than going through the pain of conflict.
Claudia Sigala , L. Kimberly Hershenson , L. Friends shouldn't be like your iPod earphones — never around when you need them but getting tangled up in things when you're not.
The research on friendship is rife with words like "reciprocal," "mutual," and "shared," and if none of those come to mind when you think about a particular friendship, it might be time to back away.
Indeed, all those graduation night songs about "I'll be on your side forevermore" and "I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on," while cheesy, are about more than swaying with arms around each other's shoulders.
Good friendships represent an equilibrium of mutual support. Even dissimilarities between good friends manage to balance each other out. Of course, over time the balance will shift back and forth — you will inevitably have a major life crisis at the same time your friend gets a promotion, but good friends are there to share in your successes and your struggles. You don't have to link arms and sing, but you should feel sure than in your friendship, winter, spring, summer, or fall, all you have to do is call.
Let's end with the big one. You're not the same everywhere you go — you behave differently at a job interview or visiting grandma than when hanging out with your friends, but if you feel pulled to change or hide who you are, or you feel ashamed after hanging out with your friend, it may be time to try on other friendships.
To wrap up, decades of research and millennia of common sense tell us that connecting with true friends is one of the best things we can do for our health and happiness. Breaking up with less-than-true friends is a tough decision. Indeed, there must have been a time when you were good friends to each other, or you wouldn't be in struggling with the question to begin with. Now, friends will come and go from your life.
Some will be context-dependent, like a work friend or a school friend. These are all fine. Not every friend needs to be a Golden Girls-style pal and confidante.
But real friends shouldn't hurt, manipulate, or use you, or pressure you to be someone you're not. A true friend inspires you to be better, happier, healthier, and more "yourself.
For you. World globe An icon of the world globe, indicating different international options. Get the Insider App. Click here to learn more. A leading-edge research firm focused on digital transformation. Good Subscriber Account active since Shortcuts. Account icon An icon in the shape of a person's head and shoulders.
It often indicates a user profile. Log out. US Markets Loading H M S In the news. Ellen Hendriksen , Quick and Dirty Tips. Ending a friendship is a challenging decision, and one where the reasons aren't always clear-cut. Even if you've been friends with someone for a long time, people can grow apart or no longer put equal effort and care into the relationship.
If you can't count on them, or feel like you're doing all the work to maintain the friendship, it's okay to go with your gut and cut it off.
0コメント